A system of conversion that I don’t understand. Conversations full of cant that I cannot comprehend. To think existence is any favour to the world is self deception. Live the pretension of a reality … some make-belief is essential for existence. But don’t start believing it. The only truth is slavery – to ourselves, our lives, people, things, ideas, ideals, passions, beauty, sorrow, and death. We strive really hard to find masters. And then spend the rest of out lives castigating ourselves for not matching up. We punish ourselves severely in ways that are incomprehensible – even to us.
The road never ends – you keep waiting to see and know something that you understand, but for months, years, and lifetimes, you don’t. You keep moving vertically – not knowing sometimes if you’re going up, or just falling down. You stop to wonder if this is what insanity is. And then you realize you don’t understand that either. You want to run, but you enjoy the servitude. You like to hear your voice when you scream. And deep inside, you want everyone else to hear it and scream too.
You begin to wonder if it will ever end. You begin to feel the fractures and cracks, and you feel the life seeping out of you, drop by drop, slowly and painfully. And everything you learn makes them bigger, until one day, you finally explode in to bits.
